I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
