They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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