This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
