Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
