your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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