i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
