The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
