Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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