Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
