Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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