Sober January is a disaster.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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