so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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