I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
