any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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