I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
