i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
