I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
