Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
