dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
