I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
