last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
