not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
