We won't sleep together?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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