Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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