I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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