This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
