I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
