At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
