You can't special order awesome
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
