therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
