I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
