youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have aggressive nipples.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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