Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
