The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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