how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
