nut hugger
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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