I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
