I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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