I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
