Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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