You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
