Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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