Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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