I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
