Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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