Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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