and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
either way he was missing a nipple.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
