I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
