It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
