and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
